Monday, November 5, 2012

Wrecked or Maybe Just Wreckless

"A few months ago I met this lady. She had everything going for her. Great family. Nice house. Lots of control over her day. But she had this little voice in the back of her head telling her to get involved with foster kids. It had been there for a long time, and every once in a while she would explore her options. Attend a class. Sign up for more information. That sort of thing. Then everything changed. She heard about a kid that didn't have anywhere else to go. Who desperately needed a family. She mentioned it to her husband, and he didn't hesitate. She made the phone call, and the next thing you know, their family grew.
To a casual observer, she may come across as reckless. After all, getting involved with this kid will take time away from her family. Will cost her some money and some tears. Will mess up her schedule. But the truth is, she isn't reckless at all. She is simply wrecked. She can't stand the idea of a kid who has no mom. Can't imagine a teen who has no home. Can't tolerate knowing about foster kids without doing something about it. Her heart is wrecked. Or, perhaps you could say that she is WRECKLESS. I wonder if Webster will add that one to the dictionary." (Fostering Hope Day 18 Deb Shropshire)

I can relate with this woman. I understand that voice. I get having control over my day. I took a class over the weekend called "peaceful intervention." The fist slide you ask? Oh it was good, it was encouraging, it had a lot of great things to say. What were these encouraging words? "What to do in case your child comes at you with a weapon." Yeah, are you laughing? Maybe even looking at the screen in shock? I did both. I looked at the ladies around me, and they all avoided eye contact, I guess that's what happens when you laugh out loud after your case worker talks about something that's not so funny. After that wave of awkwardness went away I said a silent prayer/question, which God is probably very used to getting from me. 'Are you sure this is what you were and are asking of me?' For some reason this scripture came to my mind in that moment: "And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us." Romans 5.5 
I wasn't particularly sure why that was the verse. I pondered for a moment. I have been reading a lot of Romans 5 lately, I just can't seem to stop rereading it, writing it and thinking about it. I guess in that moment it related to the hope that I have for these kids to feel love and to really know the true love of the Savior. I hope that they see that He wants to save them from what this world has to offer and that they know the true hope the Holy Spirit gives.
It's easy to think what I'm doing is reckless. I sometimes laugh before God because it sounds utterly reckless, and it's against what's ordinary. But, He's wrecked my heart, and I believe He is wrecking the hearts around me for His children that have been left with their lives in shambles. I can't deny that this is what He's asked me. And, I think sometimes people say things like "You know this isn't going to be easy, right?" or "Have you thought about how hard this is going to be?" because they really think I haven't thought about it. That's not the case. I've thought about it, and I've weighed the options of not doing it. Honestly, it would be easier: my schedule wouldn't be interrupted, I would have control, money wouldn't be that tight. I've thought about it, but God really continues to wreck my heart.
I asked a long time ago for Him to give me His eyes and to give me His heart. Well, He answered that loudly, and I can't run away from it. So, I guess that "peaceful intervention" will become part of my life. Maybe it'll even become the new normal. I can only imagine what God will then do to make another out-of-the-ordinary, normal in my life. Whatever it is I can guarantee that it'll be even more wreckless than this one!

No comments:

Post a Comment