Stepping In

You stepped in when you didn’t have to

You had already done the job you were meant to do

But you cared

I wore your t-shirts, pulled your mustache, sat in the seat of your car

You taught me how to fish, which is my favorite thing by far

You sat through my games, went to my meets

You watched me perform, you watched me compete

Before I could drive, you played chaffer

School, parties, friends, I’m sure it’s just a blur

But, I remember the times you showed me more grace than I deserved

You showed me what it looked like to be served

I still see that now

When my car breaks down, when I’ve had a bad week

Often it’s your comfort that I seek

You always have the answers or the right thing to say

No matter when I rapid-fire call, no matter what time of day

I’m often a mess, I cry, and I fail

But, either way your love, it always prevails

You challenge me with questions about God

You don’t make it easy, you poke and you prod

You helped shape me into who I am today

And, I can only imagine all the things you could say

But, I doubt you would because you rarely do

Often I’m thankful for that, too

Your humility is what makes you great

You listen and you don’t berate

I’m thankful for the love and the care

I can imagine most of my acts of stupidity were too much to bare

I know it can’t be easy to be where you are

However, I’m grateful for you by far

Thank you Papa for letting me see

What greatness is really supposed to be

Seriously!?

I've realized that taking yourself too seriously is really overrated. I mean, don't get me wrong, I still have a long way to come in, "arriving" at not taking myself too seriously, but I've learned a little. It's made me become a better laugher, a better lover and all around better at seeing the Lord in things. I feel like I would miss out on a lot of great things if I wasn't learning this.
If I took myself too seriously then:

• When a client coughs and spits toothpaste straight into my mouth, I probably wouldn't be able to laugh at how that possibly could happen.
• I would have missed an opportunity to dance with a client, I mean full-out unhindered dancing, in the car to Celebrate, and later realize that 5 car fulls of people are staring. 
• I would continue to feel like I have to beat the guy on the elliptical next to me at the gym. The one who ALWAYS gets on the one right next to mine. 
• Not be able to laugh when you go on a walk with a client, and she's screaming about a dog's poop, while the owner is right there. And, she is asking, "What's that?" and tries to pick it up.
• I wouldn't be able to cry with a client when I walk into a her apartment, and she's bawling. When I ask why she's sad, she says, "I'm not sad Miss Kelsa. I'm happy because of you and Miss Kendall." 
• I may watch more sad things because it's "real life." But, that's not going to start happening. 
• I wouldn't learn as much from my clients. 
• Talking out loud to myself in Gerbs may actually embarrass me. 
• Being a regular at Chipoltle wouldn't be so cool to me. 
• I may have never known the beauty of shouting in the gym over a soccer game. (It really is invigorating, no wonder gym screamers do it)
• I Would limit the amount of times I listen to Ed Sheeran, Match Box Twenty or Mumford and Sons on repeat. 
• I would actually learn how to spell words like permanent, beautiful, Wednesday and hilarious without having to say Wed-nes-day.

In all honestly, I would probably miss out on a lot of great things in life. I want to embrace learning this more because, I believe, it will make me a better servant. Hopefully, later on down the road I can write out another list in my journal of things that once bothered me or where pride crept in and robbed the Spirit of living through me, and say "Wow, that bothered you. Seriously!?"

Wrecked or Maybe Just Wreckless

"A few months ago I met this lady. She had everything going for her. Great family. Nice house. Lots of control over her day. But she had this little voice in the back of her head telling her to get involved with foster kids. It had been there for a long time, and every once in a while she would explore her options. Attend a class. Sign up for more information. That sort of thing. Then everything changed. She heard about a kid that didn't have anywhere else to go. Who desperately needed a family. She mentioned it to her husband, and he didn't hesitate. She made the phone call, and the next thing you know, their family grew.
To a casual observer, she may come across as reckless. After all, getting involved with this kid will take time away from her family. Will cost her some money and some tears. Will mess up her schedule. But the truth is, she isn't reckless at all. She is simply wrecked. She can't stand the idea of a kid who has no mom. Can't imagine a teen who has no home. Can't tolerate knowing about foster kids without doing something about it. Her heart is wrecked. Or, perhaps you could say that she is WRECKLESS. I wonder if Webster will add that one to the dictionary." (Fostering Hope Day 18 Deb Shropshire)

I can relate with this woman. I understand that voice. I get having control over my day. I took a class over the weekend called "peaceful intervention." The fist slide you ask? Oh it was good, it was encouraging, it had a lot of great things to say. What were these encouraging words? "What to do in case your child comes at you with a weapon." Yeah, are you laughing? Maybe even looking at the screen in shock? I did both. I looked at the ladies around me, and they all avoided eye contact, I guess that's what happens when you laugh out loud after your case worker talks about something that's not so funny. After that wave of awkwardness went away I said a silent prayer/question, which God is probably very used to getting from me. 'Are you sure this is what you were and are asking of me?' For some reason this scripture came to my mind in that moment: "And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us." Romans 5.5 
I wasn't particularly sure why that was the verse. I pondered for a moment. I have been reading a lot of Romans 5 lately, I just can't seem to stop rereading it, writing it and thinking about it. I guess in that moment it related to the hope that I have for these kids to feel love and to really know the true love of the Savior. I hope that they see that He wants to save them from what this world has to offer and that they know the true hope the Holy Spirit gives.
It's easy to think what I'm doing is reckless. I sometimes laugh before God because it sounds utterly reckless, and it's against what's ordinary. But, He's wrecked my heart, and I believe He is wrecking the hearts around me for His children that have been left with their lives in shambles. I can't deny that this is what He's asked me. And, I think sometimes people say things like "You know this isn't going to be easy, right?" or "Have you thought about how hard this is going to be?" because they really think I haven't thought about it. That's not the case. I've thought about it, and I've weighed the options of not doing it. Honestly, it would be easier: my schedule wouldn't be interrupted, I would have control, money wouldn't be that tight. I've thought about it, but God really continues to wreck my heart.
I asked a long time ago for Him to give me His eyes and to give me His heart. Well, He answered that loudly, and I can't run away from it. So, I guess that "peaceful intervention" will become part of my life. Maybe it'll even become the new normal. I can only imagine what God will then do to make another out-of-the-ordinary, normal in my life. Whatever it is I can guarantee that it'll be even more wreckless than this one!