Wrecked or Maybe Just Wreckless

"A few months ago I met this lady. She had everything going for her. Great family. Nice house. Lots of control over her day. But she had this little voice in the back of her head telling her to get involved with foster kids. It had been there for a long time, and every once in a while she would explore her options. Attend a class. Sign up for more information. That sort of thing. Then everything changed. She heard about a kid that didn't have anywhere else to go. Who desperately needed a family. She mentioned it to her husband, and he didn't hesitate. She made the phone call, and the next thing you know, their family grew.
To a casual observer, she may come across as reckless. After all, getting involved with this kid will take time away from her family. Will cost her some money and some tears. Will mess up her schedule. But the truth is, she isn't reckless at all. She is simply wrecked. She can't stand the idea of a kid who has no mom. Can't imagine a teen who has no home. Can't tolerate knowing about foster kids without doing something about it. Her heart is wrecked. Or, perhaps you could say that she is WRECKLESS. I wonder if Webster will add that one to the dictionary." (Fostering Hope Day 18 Deb Shropshire)

I can relate with this woman. I understand that voice. I get having control over my day. I took a class over the weekend called "peaceful intervention." The fist slide you ask? Oh it was good, it was encouraging, it had a lot of great things to say. What were these encouraging words? "What to do in case your child comes at you with a weapon." Yeah, are you laughing? Maybe even looking at the screen in shock? I did both. I looked at the ladies around me, and they all avoided eye contact, I guess that's what happens when you laugh out loud after your case worker talks about something that's not so funny. After that wave of awkwardness went away I said a silent prayer/question, which God is probably very used to getting from me. 'Are you sure this is what you were and are asking of me?' For some reason this scripture came to my mind in that moment: "And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us." Romans 5.5 
I wasn't particularly sure why that was the verse. I pondered for a moment. I have been reading a lot of Romans 5 lately, I just can't seem to stop rereading it, writing it and thinking about it. I guess in that moment it related to the hope that I have for these kids to feel love and to really know the true love of the Savior. I hope that they see that He wants to save them from what this world has to offer and that they know the true hope the Holy Spirit gives.
It's easy to think what I'm doing is reckless. I sometimes laugh before God because it sounds utterly reckless, and it's against what's ordinary. But, He's wrecked my heart, and I believe He is wrecking the hearts around me for His children that have been left with their lives in shambles. I can't deny that this is what He's asked me. And, I think sometimes people say things like "You know this isn't going to be easy, right?" or "Have you thought about how hard this is going to be?" because they really think I haven't thought about it. That's not the case. I've thought about it, and I've weighed the options of not doing it. Honestly, it would be easier: my schedule wouldn't be interrupted, I would have control, money wouldn't be that tight. I've thought about it, but God really continues to wreck my heart.
I asked a long time ago for Him to give me His eyes and to give me His heart. Well, He answered that loudly, and I can't run away from it. So, I guess that "peaceful intervention" will become part of my life. Maybe it'll even become the new normal. I can only imagine what God will then do to make another out-of-the-ordinary, normal in my life. Whatever it is I can guarantee that it'll be even more wreckless than this one!

Craving Achievable Stability

"She was not quite 2 when they took her in from the foster agency. Her mom had a lot of struggles and could barely take care of herself, much less a toddler. Her new foster family fell in love with her immediately, enjoying her laughter and the silly tricks that she would do, but especially the brief moments at bedtime when she would sit in one of their laps and snuggle. Over time, both she and her biologic mom achieved milestones - hers including learning how to write her name and memorizing her address and phone number; her mom's had more to do with parenting classes and a steady job. And after some time, it became apparent that they would reunite. They moved a lot - never could quite achieve the stability that most people crave. She lived with her mom some, as well as a variety of extended relatives. She called her old foster family every once in a while - she had never forgotten the phone number - and every single time they inquired about her new address and made a trip to the post office, sending off a box of goodies. Art supplies. Candy. Books. But most of all, love. They were intentional in their influence. They didn't just answer the phone and have a conversation, they acted. Even thought it was painful. Even though they worried about the fact that every phone call was from a different phone number in a new state. Even though it cost them. So how did it turn out? On her 18th birthday, the phone rang again. 'Mom, can I come home?' You can guess what the answer was." (Fostering Hope day 12 Deb Shropshire)

In foster care the ultimate goal for a child is reunification with the birth parents. Though that is the goal, it's not always easy. Sometimes the foster parents can have the child for a few years before they go back to their birth parents. Sometimes the foster parents have to fight with the desire to know what's best, even though they have no power over the ultimate decision. The child can also be confused in wanting to be with their birth family but also missing their foster family. It can even make the child feel like they aren't being loyal. So...

• Pray for the birth parents that go through the process of reunification. They go through rehabs, work projects and parenting classes. Pray that they would learn how to take care of their children properly for reunification. Also, pray for the foster parents that are hurting because they are missing the children that were placed and removed from their home. Lastly, pray for the child as they deal with the stress of being placed, removed and placed again. Ask that they would feel comfort and peace, and they would have good life-long relationship with foster parents. 

Edgy Life

"She was 14, with thick auburn hair that fell in unruly layers around her face. She was beautiful, but rough. Even in her short years she had experienced her share of hardship, and it showed, in the stiffness of her posture and the edge in her voice. I found out that she was in 8th grade, and liked math but didn't want anyone to think she was a nerd. She had a brother but didn't get to see him much. She was not a stranger to foster care - had slept in other people's homes off and on for as long as she could remember. Said she'd learned how to fold towels 'correctly' 10 different ways. As she talked, she waved her arms and I saw them. Words carved across her knuckles. Others over the back of her hands and up her forearms. HATE. WORTHLESS. CRAZY. Scabbed. Fresh. Evidence of pain that extended much deeper than the wounds that marked her skin. She seemed surprised when I touched her arms, gently massaging antibiotic ointment into each line, grieving with each stroke. How do I fix that kind of pain? How do I speak life to someone who has only known death? I don't always know how to heal. But I do know how to touch, how to provide the most basic of human contact. So do you. Are you willing?" (Day 13 Fostering Hope Deb Shropshire)

I was reminded of the Samaritan woman when I read this. No one wanted to be around her, she hid when she went into public and she avoided interaction with people at all times. I think that's how many children in these situations feel. If they could just push people away or not have personal interaction, they won't be mocked, they won't be hurt, they'll be safe in their solitude. I think the enemy wants us to believe that. I have had people in my life like this, and they are hard to deal with. But, the pain they feel is real, and they need Jesus. In that brokenness, I see myself because before Jesus I was the stiff, edgy person. I see what Jesus has promised to redeem and is redeeming. I'm thankful for that He changed me, and I want to see Him do the same in lives like this. I may not know how to heal, I may not know how to fix the pain, but I trust that He does. 

• Pray for children like this that don't know how to handle what's happened to them in their lives. Pray they would have soft hearts to the Holy Spirit, and pray that the Kingdom would be recognized in their lives. Pray, too, for physical and spiritual healing, there's more need than we could ever imagine. 

The End is Near

Well, I just had my last behavioral class on Saturday. It came as a little surprise because I thought we had 1 more, but we don't. In November I will take a career class and a Meds/CPR class. Career is a class that prepares you for dealing with children that are in the program for their "life." In foster terms that's until you're 18, or it can be to 21 if the child suffers from a mental disability. I feel like I learned a lot through these classes. I have learned a lot about myself, but I have gotten a lot of practical parenting knowledge. I'm thankful for that because thinking of me being a parent, even after 8 weeks of training, sometimes makes me laugh or feel like I'm still living a dream. I wake up sometimes and think, there's really no way they are going to trust me with babies (and by babies I mean kids in general, I picked that up from one of the women in my class who even calls me her baby). I just can't believe it. But, I am excited, apprehensive yes, but excited. I have decided the feeling I get when thinking about the classes being over and really being licensed is kind of like the feeling I got when I would start my first day of school every year, or when I could finally ride a bike without training wheels. It's the feeling of those butterflies in your stomach, knowing something could go terribly wrong but still being excited. It's the excitement of the unknown, too.
Through the classes the biggest thing, and I think the most helpful, I learned was about the way children react out of their fears. This really deals with the behavior of a child under traumatic stress. We wrote a paper on how we act from the fears we have in our lives, and I really learned a lot from that exercise. I think it's easy for me to have what we call in the system "the old way of thinking." This is the thought that a child is always aware of their behaviors, so they act out on purpose or to get back at you. I think this can be true in some areas of life, but the one thing that I learned was this isn't always the case. Sometimes, in the midst of fear, children go into safety mode, and the safety mode causes behavioral fears. Obviously this is triggered from the stress of a new environment, new rules, new family etc. It was good for me to learn because I think in some moments it will be easier for me to recognize those moments, and the difference between the 2 reasons for certain behaviors.
So, now that class is over, I have 2 more assessments and then I'll be licensed. I am eagerly waiting the moment when I will actually get my license, but in the meantime I will be helping another family out with their foster children. I start that on Wednesday, and I will be helping until I get officially placed with someone. I think this will be good because it will help me learn the ropes some, and I will get more kiddo experience, which I am grateful.
Also, in the meantime I am starting my "family planning." This includes a fire escape plan, rules, plans about how to clean rooms in the house, schedules and emergency numbers. All of these things have to be written out and placed where everyone can see them in the house. I have thought of a lot of cute ways to do it, but it's hard to write out stuff that you do by second nature. I want to cover everything and be fair, it's funny how this may be one of the hardest things for me to write in the meantimeness. But, hopefully I'll come up with some good explanations and good followable rules, I guess we'll see. Well, the Cardinals are losing, and I am hoping the pull through and we take the W! But, before I go to cheer them on, below I have a little bit more to read, it's an exert from Fostering Hope, and I also have my fancy official foster care graduate certificate! Enjoy!

Fostering Hope by Deb Shropeshire
"When we being to see people for who they were created to be, instead of who they are on the surface, it is easier to believe in them. And when WE believe in them, it is easier for them to begin to believe in themselves. I want to believe in people. In their potential. In the possibilities of their lives. In the awareness that a bad decision is not the same thing as a bad person. In the knowledge that we all make mistakes and none of us are perfect. In the hope that the future can be different than the past."

• Pray for the kids in foster care as they make a transition to break the chain that their family is living under. Pray they will see that they can be different, no matter what they have been told in the past. Pray the the foster parents and the workers would not see them as projects but rather as children. Lastly, pray that the foster care workers and parents would see the children and the parents as they should, in the image of God because once we start looking at people that way our perspective changes.